Will You Marry Me Later?

Posted: April 13, 2011 in Unbounded Learning
Tags: , , , ,

What’s the best age to get married? Marrying early or marrying late both have pros and cons. If you marry early, you have better chances of having kids and you have the chance to grow up together, sort of sync your lives in some way. But marrying early also means you may not be as financially and emotionally mature. On the other hand, marrying later means you have less chances of getting divorced because you’re both stable and ready for the commitment. The downside is you’ll probably spend more time looking for your partner and you’re not getting any younger.

Or do you even have to get married?

USA Today’s article on the ideal marrying age.

It seems like marrying later is better. It makes sense. You know who you are, who you want to be with, and you’ve probably gotten the most you can get out of the frat boy lifestyle by that time. Question is, how much later? Late 20s? 30s? Uh…40s?

When it comes to marrying late, one of the biggest concern is kids. Would you really want to be a 35 year old man helping your wife change diapers? (But then again, you might be financially stable enough that you can hire someone else to do that) Would you want to spend your 50s lecturing your teenage kid about drinking and drugs?

Cosmopolitan says women should marry after 25.

Still no sign that marrying early is better than marrying late. Even outside these Internet articles. The only exception I can think of are my folks who married at 20 and been together for 25 years. But that’s different; they had kids and their values were traditionally Filipino. Divorce wasn’t really an option.

That’s another thing. Divorce rate here is almost at 50% if not higher. Makes you not want to get married at all.

AskMen.com says it might not even matter to guys because they don’t plan on it.

I’m not going to lie, I dislike this piece. It makes it sound like you’re giving up everything fun when you get married. But that’s a matter of perspective, right? Look at me, I’m 20 and I can’t wait to settle down. I like the whole idea of being a wife (provided my future husband isn’t a lying asshole). Then look at my…I don’t know what to call him, but he’s the life of the party. We don’t really have similar values (which is why we won’t get married) so we might view marriage differently.

Besides, just because a person turned 30 doesn’t always mean they want to give up partying and settle down (then again, you can still do that even when you’re married. Just remember, sex life goes downhill  after the first child.)

But at the same time, the AskMen.com article makes sense. Marriage isn’t supposed to be some proof of your status in life, it isn’t some defining feature of your personal growth. Besides, if you respect each other and want to take care of each other, do you really need a piece of paper to prove that?

You don't need to be married to be in love

Sure, getting married has some perks. You get tax stuff, you get to visit them in the hospital, and you have legal reason to be seriously pissed if your spouse was cheating on you. But other than that, is it all that necessary?Getting married doesn’t seem like it has to be “the next step” anymore. Love definitely has nothing to do with it. Neither does commitment. Both of those can be shown by the way you treat each other everyday, not by some event where you sign a paper and the girl changes her last name to yours.

Or maybe this is just me being bitter because I know I’ll end up as one of those ladies with a bunch of cats.

 

 

PS. Scientific American’s article on ideal gap between married couples. Lol I’d be down for that.

PPS. AskMen.com gives 10 reason not to get married. Why do they make it sound like getting married means “forking over your life”?

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