Clean and Buzzed

Posted: April 26, 2012 in Unbounded Learning
Tags: , , , , ,

Ladies and gentlemen, round of applause for the latest step towards the complete eradication of intelligence in our society.

I’m sure you’ve all heard that kids (the really stupid ones) are turning to hand sanitizers to get buzzed. If not, I suggest you familiarize yourself with it through this NPR article. It might make you feel better if you’re having a bad day.

Even gin tastes better than this, I'm sure.

Sure made me feel better that I’m already 21 and I can buy a Long Island Iced Tea if I wanted to get drunk. It also made me feel better that when I was a kid, I wasn’t this stupid.

The article says that parents should treat sanitizers as they would prescription meds and basically watch their kids like a hawk when they go near it. If you ask me, that’s not going to work. Every heard of the Forbidden Fruit Principle (it’s not really the official name (do you think I can copyright that?)). The more society treats these things as a threat even though they are not, the more tempting they become to kids. To very stupid kids, at least.

This latest trend not only makes me not want to have children but also makes me less hopeful about our future. It also decreases the amount of faith or respect I have in humanity.

Thanks, kids. Your stupidity is the source of my frustration and amusement.

  1. Totally copyright that, you’d sound much smarter usin your very own copyrighted phrase. So seriously? Why can’t we just buy these kids some damn alcohol so they can sick when they drink like everybody else?

    • Alex says:

      I think it also raises a question which I should’ve thought about as I wrote this post. 21 seems like a ridiculous drinking age. You can smoke and die for your country but until then you have to turn to Purell for a good time?

      The sooner these kids can drink legally, the sooner they can stop being stupid. I mean, people of all ages get stupid with a bit too much tequila but you know what I mean. It looks less embarrassing if it’s tequila and not some fruity scented hand sanitizer.

  2. daniellevd says:

    This story is so fucking stupid. What happened to teenagers playing “Hey mister”? (When you loiter near a 7-11 and ask older people to buy you Mike’s Hard Lemonade)? Or how about just fucking hanging out and watching TV and prank calling boys? This reminds me of the tampon-butt thing. Which was something like, teenagers (suburban ones, no less) were soaking tampons in vodka and then SHOVING THEM UP THEIR BUTTS because they get drunk faster that way.

    A tampon.
    Soaked in alcohol.
    Shoved into your butt.

    ….Go ahead and process that. What teenager would hear a friend suggest that and go, “Holy shit WHAT A GREAT IDEA!”

    ugh, *sticks straw in Purell and takes a big sip*. Ahh, much better.

  3. michaela says:

    Honestly, I see how you think that all of today’s kids are stupid because of this, but I don’t think stupidity is necessarily exclusive to the next generation. My husband admitted to me just the other day that when he was 21 (your age, right?) he and his friends would get high off glade. And he was 21(in college!) WAAY back in the 90s. (yep, we’re old.) And I know I did dumb stuff with my friends (not with purell, or necessarily to get high…or with alcohol soaked tampons, but stupid shit nonetheless), even way back then before we all had cell phones in our pockets and like everrrrrybody had internetz.

    And no, I don’t condone the use of Purell or anything else to get drunk/high. Young people, regardless of who or when or what, do silly things because they don’t realize the consequences. Yes, purell cocktails are stupid, but doing this stupid stuff is just part of growing up and being young. None of us is any better or not better than anyone else when it comes to being young and silly and invincible. I think kids are just coming up with new and different ways to get off.

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