ENGL474 Start

Posted: April 9, 2012 in Unbounded Learning

Hello to all three of your reading my blog (myself included),

Every post from this day until three weeks from now will be for my English class. Not that that makes any difference. Just thought I’d let you know.

-Alex

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This is so ridiculous it actually made me smirk.

Penis Tattoo Gives Man a Permanent Erection from msnbc.com.

At what point does a man say to himself, hey, what would be a great place for this phrase and this sign of my dedication to my girl? Oh yeah, what about my dick?

I can’t even begin to wonder how that train of thought went. And here’s the funny part:

 

 

 

I am hoping that it’s good luck to the penis. Oh the number of cooch jokes.

Also, if you could hook me up with a picture that’d be great.

I was watching the news this morning and came across the Casey Anthony murder trial on the Today Show. Casey Anthony, 25 from Florida, is accused of murdering her 2-year-old daughter in 2008. She could face the death penalty.

It must be because I see all kinds of crap on the new everyday that I’m not shocked if she was convicted. Mothers killing their kids is the tip of the criminal iceberg in this world. You’d be surprised how sick people can be. I am, however, surprised at her utter stupidity.

Yeah, that's totally not suspicious

However, that’s not exactly why this news caught my eye. It’s not even the interesting fact that they might make the jurors smell what Casey Anthony’s folks smelled in her car. It’s the pictures of this mom they showed in the news.

girl in purple

I’m not gonna lie: that’s pretty clever for the prosecution to provide (or whoever, I don’t really know). Hey, why don’t we show this woman is an irresponsible mother? Oh yeah, let’s leave out the fact that maybe she hired a sitter? Or maybe this was a once in a lifetime thing?

Casey Anthony, kids, is the perfect example of why you should never allow a camera in an area when you are most likely to make an ass out of yourself. It can and will come back to bite you in the ass when you’re too stupid to plan a decent murder. Jeez.

Anyhow, her murder trial starts today and I think will last for a few weeks. She looked pretty decent on tv when she was in the court room but I don’t know, if a mom waited 30 days to report a missing child, I’d find it shady.

Getting hitched on the 29th

So Prince William (whose hair appears to be thinning) and Kate Middleton are getting married sometime within the next 48 hours. NBC said it’s 3am American time so if it’s that early, I can’t be bothered to care.

If you didn’t already know, I hate weddings and marriages and anything related to happily ever afters because I’m a downer like that. I’m sick of people getting married acting like it’s the best thing since sliced bread. One in two marriages here end in divorce so good luck with that congratulations.

Anyhow, there is one reason I’m not completely hating this wedding. It inspired an interesting beer from BrewDog, a badass-looking brewing company. It’s called the Royal Virility Performance (fancy name, huh?) And yes, it’s supposed to make the wedding consummation business easier:

From BrewDog.com

It’s an awesome idea. A buzz plus an erection has got to lead to some good time, yes?

According to Panoringan’s OC Weekly blog, BrewDog claims three bottles of these babies is just like popping that little blue pill. Btw. I highly recommend reading her blog, it’s a good read, short and sweet. I’m a sucker for sexual innuendos and stuff like that.

…Wait.

Horny Goat Weed? Classy indeed! That sounds wrong in three different ways and it makes me want to drink this beer even more. But wtf is it? *Googles*Horny goat weed is a plant that apparently makes your penis and your bones hard. Sweet. I just like the name since I have no use for it, obviously.

“Yeah right, Alex. I’ve seen your penis.” So has your mom!

BrewDog even sent a bottle to Prince William for his wedding night. I wonder if he’s going to get offended if he gets it? The dude’s 28! I doubt he has any trouble in that department.

You can buy the Royal Virility Performance beer here if it’s still available. If you try it, let me know how it worked out for you! Pics or it didn’t happen.

Seriously.

Imagine 700 consecutive tweets like this

Twitter’s doing this program that hides those excessive tweets flooding your page. So instead of you just making your life easier by unfollowing that person who tweets about every mundane thing about their life like taking a dump #likeaboss or I’m so in love with @JustinBeiber, flooding your page with shit you didn’t want to know, Twitter’s going to do it for you.

Really? Get off your ass and unfollow them! …Or not, because you need to be on your pc. But you get my drift.

Yeah, I said PC, you mac fag. (kidding, lurve you!)

10 Signs you’re too stupid for Facebook anyway. Here’s a hint, don’t be annoying with annoying tweets and updates.

Same goes with Facebook (which, according to the article, Twitter follows. Haha icwutudidthur. clever.). Instead of bitching about these 12 annoying Facebook friends polluting your newsfeed, grow a damn pair and unfriend them! You hate them anyway and are only hanging out with them because they let you eat their lunch.

funny facebook fails - Clearing Everything Up (Well... Almost Everything)
see more Failbook

Good to know, Brittaney. Thanks for wasting my 5 seconds there.

And no, I really don’t care about what you had for lunch so don’t bother tweeting about it.

Today is April 20 (4/20): National Pot Smokers Day. Says a lot about the society when you set a special day for potheads, huh?

I was reading the Chicago Tribune today and learned a couple of neat stuff about this day.

Courtesy of Phoenix Police Dept

According the article, Evan Mills from Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratories “calculates the annual energy cost of indoor marijuana production at $5B, with associated greenhouse emissions equivalent to that of 3 million average automobiles” (wrote Rob Manker).

Read Chicago Tribune article here.

Also, the pot culture got the 4:20 name in the 70s thanks to a group of high school kids (probably potheads) from California. They’re called the Waldos (as in Where’s Waldo?). Here’s why they coined the term.

I also came upon this article from Mail Online that has a bunch of interesting facts about pot in our culture. But this line, written by Steven Hager from High Time Magazine (there’s a magazine for being high?) almost made me laugh:

Oh, okay. =)

I’ve seen plenty of videos on YouTube with kids acting dumber than usual because they were high. Totally responsible, man.

But it is impressive how humanity can always find a way to make something good out of something bad. Medical marijuana seems like a great idea (read here what it’s for). But I grew up being taught that drugs will render you useless to society and have you end up like bums  in jail, with no jobs, no diplomas and…you get the picture my folks painted for me. So I don’t know, I’m on the fence.

Hehe instructions to get a marijuana card for your health problems, anyone?

Who knew there was so much legitimate stuff on pot? Magazines, websites, organizations, legislations. It’s just incredible how people are so into this.

I’ve never smoked pot. Too much of a pussy to do it.

Have you ever tried it?

Literally.

This is the Today Show segment on Carole Markin, a successful fifty-something,  who got a date on Match.com and got sexually assaulted on their second date. It turns out that her date was a sex offender. She’s now suing Match.com, saying she’ll drop charges if they change their security policy and screen members first. Currently, Match.com’s terms of use says they are not liable for whatever happens if members decide to meet offline. The company says they’ve been planning to change that for a while and the timing of Markin’s assault wasn’t the only reason they’ll be changing their policies, according to the Today Show.

Agreeing with Malkin here that while Match.com shouldn’t be liable as to what happens to their members when they agree to meet with another member, they should at least be responsible for making sure that the members they make available to other users are not registered sex offenders. That’s just bad for business, letting sex offenders use your site to hunt prey.

On the other hand, I believe people should just be cautious anyway. You can’t trust a website that handles thousands of people to completely weed out undesirable potential dates. Sure, they can scan who the registered sex offenders are but I doubt Match.com or any other dating site can weed out the violent jerks, gold diggers, and such. If it’s so easy for 40-year-old men to pretend being 17-year-old boys, I’m sure it’s not that hard for a psycho killer to pretend he’s a complete gentleman who loves dogs and walks on the beach.

Besides, the point of these dating sites is basically to open the door to meet other people. What you do after that, including keeping yourself safe, is on you.

While I think it’s normal to meet people online, I can’t stress enough how important it is to watch out for yourself. I’m not blaming Markin here but she mentioned asking for the guy’s name but not being able to get it due to a “dropped call or he mumbled, I don’t know”. She could’ve asked again, just to be sure. And now, with the abundance of social networking sites and availability of those places that let you see a person’s criminal record, research on a person can’t be that hard anymore. It’s not being creepy, it’s being smart.

Her course of action was ideal (that she thought of checking the guy out): always check people out before you meet them. I met my boyfriend online 3 years ago and it was several months before we met in person.

While I thought he was very sweet and I trusted him a little bit, I kept thinking maybe this dude is some psycho serial killer. Maybe the dude in the pictures he’s sending me are picture of some guy he killed. Luckily, even without Facebook, I was able to look him up on the Air Force website as a recent graduate in the San Antonio Basic Training place thing. He still could have been a psycho serial killer but I knew he wasn’t lying about being in the Air Force or about his name at least.

I may have been lucky that I didn’t end up in the trunk of his rental car or anything like that but you can’t always be lucky. Don’t be naive when you’re meeting someone online, be it Match.com or craigslist.com or whatever. Or better yet, get off your butt and go out, meet people that way.

This has got to be one of the most interesting TV ads I’ve seen in a while. There’s so many things right about it.

There are a whole bunch of these articles about the hidden meanings behind what people say. It’s popular belief that women never say what they mean and that men can’t say what they mean.

Let’s look at a couple:

GuySpeak Decoded?

I totally got that wrong. When a guy compliments anything I’m wearing, I’m assuming either he’s gay or that he found nothing else to compliment. But it was never like “Oh I like your earrings” “Really? That must mean you’re so into me!” And I don’t know who get offended when their legs are complimented. If it was her ass or her breasts, I would expect someone to get rejected.

You have to be a special kind of dense not to get this. Relationships are simple. Either you want to be in it or you don’t. There’s no break. There are, however, break ups. Like the article said, if he likes you and wants to be with you then he’ll make it happen.

I’m pretty sure guys rarely want to get into a long, emotional discussion ever.

Okay, how about we decode GirlSpeak?

Yeah, this is probably true. It’s called playing hard to get. You know? That thing we do so people don’t go ahead calling us easy sluts. And also sometimes we just really don’t like you and we’re just trying to be nice about it.

Yep, another one of those stuff we like to do so you don’t realize (right away, at least) that we are that crazy bitch you were afraid we were. We like to appear all calm and collected. Another thing about this is sometimes, it kinda hurts our feelings that you pick us up and leave us whenever you damn well please.

This is totally true especially if you cancelled out on a date with us to hang out with the boys. Again, it hurts our feelings (yeah, much like a lot of things in the world. shut up…) that you made a commitment to us and didn’t deliver. But because we don’t want to seem like a psycho obsessive girl, we’ll let you go. But don’t expect us to be happy when you’re back.

Here’s the thing: If another girl’s name comes up in conversation, you can bet that your girl already has at least 3 worst-case scenarios in her head. She’s probably already thinking that you’re thinking of Diane, flirting with her, or sleeping with her. And please, no one’s falling for the “Oh she’s nothing” speech. If she’s in the conversation, she’s something already.

But are these decoders really all that good? Maybe the guy really is listening and is just waiting for you to finish talking before he responds. Maybe the girl really is fine with you going out with the boys and having the night to herself. Maybe all these decoders are making our lives more miserable, giving meaning where there isn’t any, and leading us on with these assumptions. Maybe it’s giving us the wrong impression that we can’t all just be adults and say what we mean.

Yeah, fat chance.

Everyday I am more convinced that we’re turning into a society of pussies.

Samantha Shaw, 7 years old, underwent surgery to fix her quirky-looking ears because of bullying. Well, she said she wasn’t exactly being bullied but her mom said the adults were saying comments about her kid and they wanted to fix her ears to prevent bullying in the future.

Jesus christ, where to start…

It seems Samantha is more well-adjusted than the mother. The kid already said she wasn’t really being bullied about her ear but mom’s got to be all touchy about the subject. Ma’am, your kid was about to grow a pair and thicker skin. Thank you for possibly rendering yet another child socially inept for the future.

What is this measure teaching Samantha and every other kid with a quirk?

While I get that bullying is becoming more and more serious (and dangerous) in America, making a kid’s ears look more normal is just telling those bullies that they won. Instead of making Samantha Shaw conform so that the bullies won’t find anything to attack her on, why not teach the kid to toughen up? Parents are babying their children too much now. It’s simply impossible to protect your kid from everything and doing so robs them of the opportunity to learn what life really is like and how to deal with it. A lot of people in the world are assholes and that’s just the way it is.

This surgery felt like a chase after instant gratification. Instead of addressing the way kids relate to and treat each other, the mom just went ahead and fixed the ears to get it over with.

Doctor says this was serious stuff that needed to be done. Really?

Philip Defranco’s video, jump to 4:02

Besides, like Philip Defranco says, aren’t we supposed to embrace our individuality? Going through this surgery just sent the message that it’s not acceptable to look or be different. And it’s the shit we get from other people that help us figure out who we are.

Courtesy of ABC

And I’m looking at the pictures and I have no idea what exactly is wrong with her. When we were little, my brother’s ears looked at least twice that size (and compared to his skinny head, they still look huge). We used to call him a monkey or a lizard because he looked like one. They always called me a piglet because I was fat as fuck. But look at us, we grew up fine because our parents told us we were awesome just the way we were and those bullies were just jealous. And that we shouldn’t be so sensitive to what insensitive people say.