Posts Tagged ‘love’

What’s the best age to get married? Marrying early or marrying late both have pros and cons. If you marry early, you have better chances of having kids and you have the chance to grow up together, sort of sync your lives in some way. But marrying early also means you may not be as financially and emotionally mature. On the other hand, marrying later means you have less chances of getting divorced because you’re both stable and ready for the commitment. The downside is you’ll probably spend more time looking for your partner and you’re not getting any younger.

Or do you even have to get married?

USA Today’s article on the ideal marrying age.

It seems like marrying later is better. It makes sense. You know who you are, who you want to be with, and you’ve probably gotten the most you can get out of the frat boy lifestyle by that time. Question is, how much later? Late 20s? 30s? Uh…40s?

When it comes to marrying late, one of the biggest concern is kids. Would you really want to be a 35 year old man helping your wife change diapers? (But then again, you might be financially stable enough that you can hire someone else to do that) Would you want to spend your 50s lecturing your teenage kid about drinking and drugs?

Cosmopolitan says women should marry after 25.

Still no sign that marrying early is better than marrying late. Even outside these Internet articles. The only exception I can think of are my folks who married at 20 and been together for 25 years. But that’s different; they had kids and their values were traditionally Filipino. Divorce wasn’t really an option.

That’s another thing. Divorce rate here is almost at 50% if not higher. Makes you not want to get married at all.

AskMen.com says it might not even matter to guys because they don’t plan on it.

I’m not going to lie, I dislike this piece. It makes it sound like you’re giving up everything fun when you get married. But that’s a matter of perspective, right? Look at me, I’m 20 and I can’t wait to settle down. I like the whole idea of being a wife (provided my future husband isn’t a lying asshole). Then look at my…I don’t know what to call him, but he’s the life of the party. We don’t really have similar values (which is why we won’t get married) so we might view marriage differently.

Besides, just because a person turned 30 doesn’t always mean they want to give up partying and settle down (then again, you can still do that even when you’re married. Just remember, sex life goes downhill  after the first child.)

But at the same time, the AskMen.com article makes sense. Marriage isn’t supposed to be some proof of your status in life, it isn’t some defining feature of your personal growth. Besides, if you respect each other and want to take care of each other, do you really need a piece of paper to prove that?

You don't need to be married to be in love

Sure, getting married has some perks. You get tax stuff, you get to visit them in the hospital, and you have legal reason to be seriously pissed if your spouse was cheating on you. But other than that, is it all that necessary?Getting married doesn’t seem like it has to be “the next step” anymore. Love definitely has nothing to do with it. Neither does commitment. Both of those can be shown by the way you treat each other everyday, not by some event where you sign a paper and the girl changes her last name to yours.

Or maybe this is just me being bitter because I know I’ll end up as one of those ladies with a bunch of cats.

 

 

PS. Scientific American’s article on ideal gap between married couples. Lol I’d be down for that.

PPS. AskMen.com gives 10 reason not to get married. Why do they make it sound like getting married means “forking over your life”?

Advertisements

Am I the only one who gets really suspicious when the bf doesn’t tell me the simplest things? Like, I don’t know, “Hey babe, wutcha doin’?”

He says, “I’m busy, talk to you later.” I hear, “None of your fucking business, leave me alone. Bitch.”

Or am I just any other girl that guys bitch about? Do I talk too much? Do I share the mundane details of my life and he just doesn’t want to here?

Oh right, I don’t have the right to be so damn nosy. Wait, you guys don’t want someone being curious about your life, meddling in your business, asking you questions? Maybe you shouldn’t involve other people in your life. That’ll get rid of your nagging problem. Because being involved usually means you include them in your life.

So I asked the mighty Internet why men keep secrets. I was assuming it’s all about lying: lying about being happy, about wanting something, about denying the regret of being with someone. It answered me with 11 Secrets that apparently all men keep.

Let’s pretend I give a shit.

Here’s an idea: Don’t get married. You want to get away? Don’t start something you want to get away from. You want space? Go to the moon.

Yes, honey, let me wait until I’m 40 for you to figure out if you actually appreciate me or not. I just love the uncertainty of whether you value me or not, I just enjoy being led on. Oh and yes, it does sound like you don’t love us. Because guess what? It’s not nice to waste people’s time.

See, if you actually cared you’d try to understand. Glad to know the relationship was valuable enough for you to get off your ass and do something about it. And thanks for lying about wanting to make things better because obviously, you don’t want to make it better that much. If you did, you’d at least say “You know what, sweetie, I don’t know where you’re coming from.”

Really now? In my experience, no kind of “going away” afforded me any kind of romance or anything I wanted in a relationship. No flowers, no “you’re beautiful”, no “is there anything I can do because you had a bad day?”, nothing. Either this author is a complete moron or the guy I claim is my bf is broken.

The way I see it, men are keeping these kinds of secrets because they can’t handle what they get themselves into, that they’re not happy with it. Or I could be wrong. Doubt it, though.

Surely not all men are like this, hopefully. I’m just saying, if you can’t be open with someone then there is no point being in a relationship with them. You can’t love someone only when and how you feel like it. That’s called being fuck buddies, not being a couple. Or maybe I’m just the stupid one who thought being with someone meant you can have someone you should feel safe with. Secrets are dangerous. They make a whole lot of gray areas. They’re not safe. I hate them.

Especially the stupid, pointless secrecy about everything. Annoying as fuck. Doesn’t it make you want to kick puppies when people can’t answer simple questions?

Whatever. Do whatever you want.

#bitter

My Anthro professor has a thing for kittens. Every lecture, there’s at least 3 slides with cats in them, one being from the I can haz cheezburger empire. One of his TAs was kind enough to let us in on a secret:

Cute is a hormone.

Oxytocin to be exact. Apparently, when we see something cute the brain releases this feel good hormone. Let me demonstrate:

Feel the oxytocin, baby!

But oxytocin is more than just cute. There’s also a huge surge of it when mom breastfeeds and when a woman orgasms: both activities prompting women to form a deep bond with their infant or partner.

And you know what the secret of happy relationships is? Yep, Oxytocin.

According to a research done in the University of Wisconsin-Madison, monkeys in long standing relationships have high levels of oxytocin. Ladies and gentlemen, these monkeys are lucky, happy monkeys.

With more oxytocin, monkeys groom each other more, fuck more, and yes ladies, cuddle more. And here is the best part:

There’s been other researches on this. Look it up, you know you want to, you desperate, lonely, stuck-in-an-unhappy-relationship you.

Do you know how awesome this sounds? It’s like a medical cure for lazy, clueless significant others! Imagine your boyfriend who rolls over right after you make love or the girlfriend who can’t leave you alone when you need some time to yourself. Then imagine jacking them up with oxytocin. Man, wouldn’t that be nice?

Btw, it’s my anniversary today so if you have a syringe filled with oxytocin or coke, please, shoot me up.

I stumbled upon this cute little letter from a man to his ex-wife.

"I was thinking about you the whole time, baby"

(I suggest you read the whole thing. It gets better.)

You know what’s sad? I probably would.