Posts Tagged ‘Twitter’

Get this: Apparently Twitter can save your life! Well, actually what can save your life is a girlfriend who Tweets instead of calling the police.

A couple of days ago, in Johannesburg, South Africa, a dude was carjacked and thrown into the trunk of his own car. Luckily, these carjackers weren’t the brightest people and forgot to take his phone. This poor dude was just chilling in his trunk and instead of calling the cops, he decides to text his girlfriend to tell her, “Hey babe, how’s your day? I’m just here, you know, getting carjacked and stuff.” (heavily and inaccurately paraphrased by the way. If you want the more official story look here and if you want one with the Tweets, look here. If you want porn, look he—somewhere else).

Because his girl evidently loved him so much, she decided to NOT call the cops and report this but instead Tweet about it–because we all know that’s what you do in the event of a serious crime that could potentially lead to very ugly situations and very dead boyfriends.

This poor dude got even luckier when a Twitter-user by the name of @PigSpotter (very popular apparently because he helps people spot speed traps and road blocks), picked up this commotion and managed to mobilize everyone and they retrieved the poor dude. They lived happily ever after.

And no one thought of calling the cops. Because, you know, Twitter’s more reliable.

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Seriously.

Imagine 700 consecutive tweets like this

Twitter’s doing this program that hides those excessive tweets flooding your page. So instead of you just making your life easier by unfollowing that person who tweets about every mundane thing about their life like taking a dump #likeaboss or I’m so in love with @JustinBeiber, flooding your page with shit you didn’t want to know, Twitter’s going to do it for you.

Really? Get off your ass and unfollow them! …Or not, because you need to be on your pc. But you get my drift.

Yeah, I said PC, you mac fag. (kidding, lurve you!)

10 Signs you’re too stupid for Facebook anyway. Here’s a hint, don’t be annoying with annoying tweets and updates.

Same goes with Facebook (which, according to the article, Twitter follows. Haha icwutudidthur. clever.). Instead of bitching about these 12 annoying Facebook friends polluting your newsfeed, grow a damn pair and unfriend them! You hate them anyway and are only hanging out with them because they let you eat their lunch.

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Good to know, Brittaney. Thanks for wasting my 5 seconds there.

And no, I really don’t care about what you had for lunch so don’t bother tweeting about it.